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An Idiot’s Guide To The 2012 Olympics

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Everything you need to know to enjoy the 2012 summer games.

The Olympics are a series of athletic contests originally devised by the Greeks

Not these Greeks

These Greeks

This year they will take place in London

London is in Great Britain

Great Britain is ruled by a queen

and the Goblin King

The symbol of the Olympics is five interlocking rings

and the one ring to rule them all

The Olympics will have two mascots - Wenlock & Mandeville

you know, for kids

The Olympics begin when the Vestal virgins gather the flames of the sun

and send them around the world

to light Michael Phelps' bong

Olympic winners receive medals

in categories like sharpest hair

strongest Sly Stallone impersonator

and most likely to be Michael Jordan

The U.S.A. has historically done well

and 2012 should bring us medals in swimming

kicking

and basketballing

The Olympics will be broadcast around the world

and everyone will be tuning in

to watch this chick jump over stuff

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Humor