Cult hero, action hero, mustachioed legend Danny Trejo throws the most bad ass Cinco parties in the history of Earth — here's why…
1. Classic Invitations
2. Danny Trejo's Kitchen Utensils and Cutlery Are Beyond Compare
It slices, it dices, it can cut the world's largest avocado.
3. Danny Trejo's Guy Gives Out Free Tattoos
Decide what you're getting before having a cerveza.
4. Danny Trejo Can Help With Some Thought Starters
Can't decide on a tattoo? Borrow one of DannyTrejo's, he won't mind.
5. Killer House Mariachi Band
Machete loved the notebook.
6. Hilarious Games of Hide And Go Seek
Hunt the most dangerous game... Danny Trejo.
7. There Is Always A Spirited Debate On Violence In Cinema
Danny Trejo usually wins.
8. The Fresh Cilantro Is Plucked From Danny Trejo's Commnunity Herb Garden
Those aren't child laborers -- Danny Trejo's giving back to the community by teaching the virtues of long hours tending to Guacamole ingredients.
9. The Trejo Family's Secret Recipe For Handmade Salsa Is Delish
The secret ingredient is love.
10. Plenty Of Danny Trejo's World Famous Guac
It's made from the world's largest avocado.
11. Late Night Puppet Shows
This guy is hilarious after 2 or 3 top shelf margaritas.
12. Segal Is Bringing Femininas
Drawback, Segal always hogs the guacamole.
13. Buschemi Will Be There
They always talking memes.
14. This Guy Won't Be There
Unless he wants Danny Trejo to knock the smug off his mug.
15. Google Hangout For Virtual Guests
Can't be there in person? Danny Trejo doesn't mind. He can accommodate guests from all over the web.
16. Danny Trejo Forbids Taco Bell In His House
If you get a craving for a Doritos Locos Taco, take it outside.
17. Danny Trejo's Fine Art Collection
Danny Trejo has great taste, and he doesn't mind giving personal tours. Perfect host.
18. Danny Trejo's World Famous Party Favors
Desk ornament, win.
19. El Guapo Will Be There
There will be a plethora of good times.
20. Queen Latifah's Going...
The Queen is so accessible, that's one of the things Danny Trejo loves about her.
21. J-Wow Is Not Invited
Danny Trejo keeps it classy, and she's an embarrassment to the sombrero.
22. Traditional Mexican Pets
Danny Trejo keeps a closet stocked with chihuahuas that he breaks out ever May 5th.
23. Fully Staged Gilbert & Sullivan Productions
Danny Trejo loves his musical theater. Danny Trejo has a beautiful singing voice.
24. At 5'6", It's No Big Deal If You're Taller Than Danny Trejo
Just don't make a thing about it, or else.
25. Danny Trejo Gets Hilariously Annoyed When Guests Use The John In His Bedroom
Says It's "private" For a Reason.
26. You Get The Same Reaction If You Forget To Use A Coaster
Danny Trejo will literally choke you out if you leave a ring on his coffee table.
27. Danny Trejo's Famous Snapper Soup
It's a real crowd pleaser.
28. Danny Trejo Never Runs Out Of Cholula
Hot. Hot. Hot.
29. Share The Memories
Everyone looks forward to Danny Trejo's post party recap, when he hand scans all his pics for Facebook. So analog.
30. Every Year The Party Ends With A Peaceful Dove Release
Danny shares his hopes and dreams for the future with his guests.